My 30th birthday is on the horizon and lately, it seems as if I’ve constantly been going to weddings, wedding showers, or baby showers. And man, that shit gets expensive. So in honor of all those gift cards, baby clothes, diaper genies, and random silver slotted spoons that I’ve bought consider this my announcement that on my 30th birthday, I’m getting married to myself. If you’re wondering, I’m registered at Marc Jacobs and Balenciaga. Start saving now, bitches.